Bismillahi ar-Rahmani ar-Raheem
You know whether we like it or not, we are all affected by what people say or perceive about us, positive or negative. It’s however left to you to either embrace it or just shrug it off.I have had my self-esteem affected, low actually because of what I perceived or have been told by people.
I have been a stay at home mom, taught for a short time but I couldn’t cope with two little ones and a pregnancy so I stopped. Then, having low income and living with in-laws wasn’t exactly what I envisaged, so I had times when I was depressed and kept asking myself “is this what I’m about just staying home, care for the family n make babies? (Which is highly rewarding by Allah right?) Like I said earlier, I was affected by my environment and what I perceived from my family.
After my 3rd baby, I knew I wasn’t ready for another. I needed a break to rest and at the back of my mind, I was afraid of what my family would say if I got pregnant again. Allah is Al-Hakeem(The Most Wise) and al- Baari’ (The Inventor of all things) ,He again granted me the ni’imah of another pregnancy. Now you can imagine how I felt, Subhaanallah! Depressed, Astaghfirullah! Another one? The 3rd just clocked one! It took me some time to snap out of my depression and embrace Allah’s qadar. I had the baby Alhamdulillah bi ni’imatihi. Again I said but really meant it this time, “I need a break” and after been told by someone that I’m just laying eggs like a hen because I drop them easily, I decided to go for the IUD ie Copper T after consultations. People just tell you to go for family planning like it’s all just a piece of cake right, like hey just do it and you have nothing to worry about, no side effect or you can manage it. I had it inserted. There were changes, of course, heavy bleeding, longer period, cramping which subsided after some time, discharges, all were manageable until the headaches began. 3 months after I started having severe headaches during my period. We thought it was my kickboxing workout but four periods after it was the same pattern, we thought my blood sugar was low. I would drink glucose before and during exercise, I didn’t want to but it was a precaution. Then my husband complained to a nurse at his workplace who told him it was the IUD. She said it’s not common with copper T but possible and advised I see a gynecologist.
Since the 5th period, my head feels mostly heavy, there’s almost always a headache lurking in the corner if not pounding. Sometimes it feels like my forehead would explode and I can’t really prolong my sujud , then it would seem my skull is coming down. I learned from a friend that ginger works well for a headache, yes it does. So I’ve been managing it, I mean honestly it is convenient not to worry about getting pregnant but hey it’s no guarantee, the affair is with Allah ( we actually told the doctor we weren’t putting our trust in it).
One day I saw a drawing in my daughter’s book which broke my heart. She drew dad with a happy face and me, a sad mom. When I inquired she said I’m always complaining of a headache and tiredness. Subhaanallah! It’s just what she saw, plain and simple. Is this how my kids see me? I don’t want to be the sick, sad mom, I want to be happy, energetic and enthusiastic. I need to be or what will they grow up to think motherhood is? Sickening? Considering it’s my fault! No way bi idhnillah!
So now to my point. After another episode today and with some other changes I’m experiencing, I remained seated on the chair (too weak to stand and difficult to make sujud on the ground) after salah, I reminded myself of Tawheed. Yes, back to the basis!
In the sharia, after the preservation of one’s Deen, the next is Life. From what I’ve read in fatwas concerning contraception is that it should not cause harm to the woman. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salaam told us to tie our camel and he also said we should strive to achieve what will benefit us but if it fails, we should say “qadaarullaha wa maa shaa’a fa’al” i.e. Allah decrees what He wills. Indeed the companions practiced asl, a form of contraception but he sallallahu alayhi wa salaam told them “Allah would create what He wills when He wills.” We, therefore, need to place our trust in Allah. It’s not easy raising children, I mean raising children whom Allah would be pleased with and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salaam will be proud of, so you want just the number you can cater for right? Remember kids are a gift from Allah, not a privilege. Some are spending/praying so much to get it(May Allah accept their dua aameen) while you have them just dished out to you, Be Grateful and embrace it. Ask Allah for help, He is Al-Hayy Al-Qayyum “to Allah belong The Most Beautiful names so call on Him by them” ( Al-A’raf vs 180).
Like with other issues we might face with people including family members especially when you are striving to be upon the Sunnah, it’s your life to decide what’s best to be or not to be! Do istiqarah and trust in the One in Whose Hands lie the Ultimate decision.
Disclaimer: The fact that it hasn’t worked for me does not mean someone else isn’t feeling really well and comfortable with it. The article is only intended to encourage me first and anyone who may be in similar situations, your selfintending to opt out or not to try it out in the first place, to stanyourself/ beliefs in the face of criticisms. No one will share the pain literally why sacrifice your happiness for anyone. Come to think of it, is it really possible to have something alien in the body and it would not cause even the slightest change in the body system?
I’ll leave you with this hadith, hope you find benefit in it.
Subhaanaka allaahumma wa bihamdik ashadu anlaailaaha illa anta astaghfirullah wa atoobu ilayk.
By Bint Abdul-Lateef